just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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