he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
