ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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