I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
