We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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