Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I could fuck to npr.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
