ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
it glows. i had to have it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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