He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
