we made out on top of his cat.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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