Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She bit a glass in half.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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