i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
