i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
