Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
