we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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