I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
