Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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