remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
