I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
