you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
