drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
