Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
