i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
