why didn't you poke me back
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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