dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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