Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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