did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Shame - the story of my life.
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