I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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