would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
