i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just invented taco cereal.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
