i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
