Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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