So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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