And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
