Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
