guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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