Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i drank out of a bidet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
