U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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