I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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