did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
