Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
