So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
