so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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