I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
