yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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