First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
