My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
