there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
