And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
