Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
