You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
