I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
