i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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