I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
